


The Cake

by Impsc



Series: Lost Sides in Neverland [on hiatus] [9]
Category: Peter Pan - J. M. Barrie, Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Kid Sides (Sanders Sides), gross food
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:08:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29057229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impsc/pseuds/Impsc
Summary: The Dragon Witch has such a good plan
Series: Lost Sides in Neverland [on hiatus] [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1997491
Kudos: 5





	The Cake

The Dragon Witch tapped her finger on the desk, thinking. It was a nice desk. Meant for the queen, before they’d ransacked the shipment. Quite a few things in her office were from that shipment, actually. The desk, the stationary, the _wine_.

She stood and walked over to pour herself a glass. Maybe it would help take her mind off… those _stupid_ boys!

She slammed her now full wine glass down, spilling a bit on the map of the island that was spread out over most of the desk. Ugh! Oh, whatever, it’s not like there was anything at all on it.

She couldn’t even _find_ them! The whole blasted island made no sense at all. Even when they could manage to navigate the jungle, things were never the same distance from each other, and sometimes they weren’t even in the same place at all!

She sighed, throwing herself back into her chair. She stared at the blank map, tracing her finger along the rim of her glass. How, _how_ to catch them, rid herself of them forever…

Maybe she didn’t have to catch them.

Maybe she could lure them out.

Set a trap!

What did nasty little boys like? What would lure them out?

Candy? Little kids like candy, right? No candy on the island though. Perhaps just something sweet, then. They had a bit of sugar in their stores, just never a reason to use it.

* * *

The Witch kicked open the door to the kitchen. The cook didn’t react, she was used to it by now, but she did lean away a little as the Dragon Witch walked up to her. “Have you ever made a cake before?”

“Excuse me, captain?”

The Witch narrowed her eyes and growled, “Have you ever. Made. A cake. Before?”

Most people would be intimidated by the intensity of the Witch’s stare, but the cook had long known that, since she was the only one who knew how to cook or what they could eat on the island at all, she’d have to be kept around. Which meant she could afford to be tired of the Dragon Witch’s bs every once in a while. The cook continued what she was doing before the Witch had walked in, which was making dinner, fish, it was usually fish, and replied, “Of course I have. Why do you ask?”

Instead of answering, the Witch just said, “Good. Make it as sweet and delicious looking as possible, and then put this in it.” She held out a small vial with a clear green liquid in it. The cook took it from her carefully.

“Any point in asking why I’m being asked to make a poisoned cake, ma’am?”

“No,” said the Dragon Witch shortly, and turned on her heel and walked out.

* * *

The cake had been sitting in the center of the clearing for several hours, surrounded by many hidden pirates, including the Witch herself.

However, this involved any of the boys showing up to _find_ the cake in the first place. By the fourth hour the Dragon Witch could tell that even the most focused of the pirates was losing patience, judging by the fact that one of them had just fallen out of the tree they were in due to falling asleep from boredom. Another had just finished whispering, thinking they were out of earshot, “Why don’t _we_ ever get any cake-“ when the Witch burst out of her hiding spot with frustration.

“FINE!” Another pirate fell out of a different tree at her shout. “We’re going back to the ship.” She drew her sword and swung it around the clearing, making eye contact with them all. “If any of you ever so much as _alludes_ to this again I will slay you where you stand.” She sheathed her sword and stomped off toward the ship. “And don’t touch that cake unless you want to die a very painful death.”

* * *

Several days later, Logan was wandering in that area of the woods and spotted the cake. He walked up to it and poked it with his pencil, which got some frosting on it. He sniffed it. It did not smell great, the cake had been left out for a while. He ultimately decided against eating random food he just found in the forest.

A few hours later, Roman came by, having been told by Logan that there was a mysterious cake in the middle of the woods. He thought it was probably some kind of enemy thing. It certainly looked good. Other than Patton’s cookies, Roman hadn’t had sugar in such a long time. Then he got a little closer and smelled it. Ew. If it was a trap it was a bad one. He decided to leave the cake alone. Maybe he and Patton could make a different type of cookie.

Eventually Patton also wandered into the clearing. He kind of wanted to taste the frosting. It did look delicious. But it was probably a bad idea. Why would there just be a random cake in the middle of the forest? It couldn’t be for a nice reason. Where did they even get the ingredients? Patton was pretty sure you needed milk for cake and frosting and he’d never found any regular looking cows on the island, despite looking for several weeks. Only brown ones, and everybody knew that meant chocolate milk, and the frosting was white, so. Maybe he could make a chocolate cake! He’d have to ask Roman about this. Patton wandered away.

A few nights later, Janus ended up near the clearing, looking for food. He barely spared the cake a glance. It was such an obvious trap.

When Virgil found the cake later that night, he worried that Patton or Roman might think it was good for eating, even though by now it smelled terrible and had some green stuff growing on it. He took a stick and drew some x’s in the ground around it to let them know not to eat it.

Remus was the last to find it. He already been told by Janus and Virgil separately several times not to eat it, especially not the fuzzy bits. But Remus had a plan.

* * *

Several weeks later the pirates were on one of their regular island explorations. The Dragon Witch had turned to give out more instructions when a large, gross-smelling, vaguely cake shaped lump fell directly onto her head with a splat.

**Author's Note:**

> if you haven't read the og Peter Pan, this whole story comes from that one time when Hook decided for some reason that it would be a great idea to leave out a poison cake for the lost boys, like multiple times, and the only reason it fails is because Wendy is a smart mother and tells them not to eat it and so they wait until it's rock hard and leave it for Hook to trip over in the dark


End file.
